[PAID] On Rejection
Monthly reflection: How to sit with the discomfort of rejection
Hi all, welcome back to another paid subscriber post. Thanks for subscribing and supporting my work. I’ll admit it’s been a while since I have written an article in this format. What can I say? Life has been happening all around me since spring
For this month’s reflection, I would like to speak about rejection, how it feels when we put all our hopes on something and what happens when it ends up disappointing us. In reflecting on my own recent bouts of rejection, I have slowly learnt how to navigate them by changing the narrative of what it means to receive a no and practicing healthy detachment in the process. My goal in writing this post is to show that rejection doesn’t mean denial or that we are worthless, and wanting something doesn’t make us weak; it means, on some level, that desire is alive within us. I hope this post can be a gentle reminder that disappointment and rejection are not the end of the story for us; they play a very small role in shaping us to become the people we are meant to be
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About five years ago, I landed my first full-time job with benefits after months of unemployment. Just like many people during the early days of COVID-19, I was laid off from my contract job due to uncertainty- a measure to ensure companies’ financial futures in troubling times.
A week before my dismissal, my stomach was in knots; I was sweating pools in my sleep and sick with worry over my upcoming performance review. Above all, the constant reshuffling of contract personnel at my work made it impossible to concentrate on my tasks. It had been months since I reached the one-year mark of my work contract, and subsequently, my contract was renewed three months at a time, buying me some time. The contract was extended two times, and I was anticipating the renewal (and upgrade to full-time) following the performance review. I had my heart set on switching from contract to full-time at that role, on some level, although it pained me to admit, I knew I was a sitting duck. It was almost as if I knew that there was no reason to finish my part of the annual employee performance review despite my lofty levels of anxiety and chronic stress around it. The universe, with its infinite wisdom, confirmed my doubts of ever securing a full-time role.
Enter the COVID-19 pandemic.
Early Summer 2020
The world was at a standstill; for what seemed like an interminable period, we were transfixed; ears tuned in to the news, the case counts and the death counts. There was something hauntingly tragic about seeing those numbers on the screen only to dissociate long enough to make good on our tasks at work. After all, the machine needed its fuel. The fate of the economy was in the hands of the working class despite the surreal dangers of a deadly pandemic. Companies were doing just about everything to stay afloat.
